Extended Episodes Happen

For the past several months, I can say that I’ve most likely been in an extended anxiety/depressive episode. I don’t know what’s causing it, but it’s been interfering with me enough that I can’t help but notice it. I used to be able to write a lot of stuff, but I’ve been withdrawing from it in an unhealthy way. Part of it is that I’m really censoring myself, and another part is that other stuff is interfering with my daily routine.

A lot of little frustrations build up over time, but the frustrations are just a symptom of the episode (and not a cause like I originally thought). This has been a happy discovery for me, since it means that my disposition in itself might not be prone to making me anxious. The unhappy part of the discovery, though, is that something else entirely is going on. Some of it might be change that I know needs to happen, but am too afraid to handle.

There’s been a lot of things I’ve wanted to write about, including the recent report by the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights concerning religious freedom and its intersection with civil rights. A few other things have grabbed my attention as well, such as the proposed amendment to the Florida Constitution wanting to make abortion a first degree murder charge, and the state of the presidential election here in the United States. Many of these things are the result of politicizing faith, which in turn makes people more militantly vocal about following Jesus.

While I’d like to say it’s been nice not writing as much as I used to, that’s not entirely the case. I’ve deleted a lot of drafts in the past several months. Personally, I’ve still written about a post a day, but for many different reasons, I delete them.

This one I’ve promised myself I will post. So here it is, warts and all.

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24 thoughts on “Extended Episodes Happen

  1. I too refrained from writing during similar periods of anxiety/ depression. It’s fascinating how little motivation there is at such times. One post may help to bring that back as it did with me.

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  2. Hello S.B. I agree with Quixie. I read what you wrote, and sat and thought. It seems to me like you are being your own worst critic. You have already admitted to an internal debate in yourself over what to say and what not to. I would like to say for myself, I don’t see your posts so harshly as you may yourself. That is in no way to negate or even address the real issue you are raising. That issue is what is going on inside yourself, your moods, your ideas, your willingness to bring them into the public arena. In truth I have no right, nor no insight to address that. I can only say your posts have value and I enjoy reading them. I wish you the best. You are fighting a fight I know I can not help you with. best wishes and many hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are a writer. I and I suspect most of your followers can see it. Keep on writing irrespective of whether you publish or not.

    People like me are not real writers but we respond to those like you who are writers. While I miss the regularity of your posts, write as you see fit and publish when you feel comfortable.

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  4. As long as you are writing and it is helping you… It is entirely upto you whether you want to retain them or delete them. If it is one way of channeling the dam of emotions, then go for it. But I find that a break is good every once in a while… Take care of yourself!

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    • The Florida petition is complicated for me. I know it won’t become an amendment, but I also know it will go along farther than it should. Also, I think it’s an attempt to push Florida evangelicals towards Trump. So I probably won’t write anything about it until after the election.

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      • Like might be a strong word. There’s some polling on Five Thirty Eight that suggests people are just voting Republican because they either don’t like Clinton or that’s the party they identify with. Trump is only a serious contender because he was allowed to take control of a party.

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      • Do hope so, assuming your vote isn’t for Trump. Come to think of it, apart from when I’ve voted Green/Flying Yoga Party, my vote’s been for the winning party. But although we ostensibly vote for people in UK-based systems, it’s really a party vote. Voting for a leader would be weird. What I find depressing is the deterioration in calibre of politicians. People are talking about the ages of Clinton and Trump, but some of the young British ones have been abysmal. Ugh. Politics. 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • I haven’t lost my last marble, so it won’t be for Trump. I’ll be holding onto it for dear life until November.

        And quality of politicians really is a function of leadership and what the electorate will tolerate. Right now all the candidates for Congress I can choose from are shit.

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      • Right now all the candidates for Congress I can choose from are shit. As are the candidates for POTUS. 😦

        It continues to boggle my mind that the tRump supporters can’t see past his rhetoric. It seems all they can hear is his slogan … and totally ignore the fact that he has no plans on how to do this!

        Ah well. Only a little while longer and (hopefully), we won’t have to listen to him anymore.

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