This is the word that’s swimming through my head right now. It describes how I’ve been feeling for a long time. Most of the time, I’ve been fortunate that it’s just directed at the self. But there are times when that feeling extends outwards. Like tonight.
We’re a species that thrives on conflict, carnage, and coitus. Animals do it out of necessity; we do it for sport. No matter how far someone goes to violate one’s values, there will always be the option of holding one’s nose. Yeah it stinks, but holding onto hate will let people forget all about it. It abounds in the human race, existing like some inexorable force that pulls us towards and away from each other simultaneously.
It’s not even the vote that has me like this. It’s the excuses getting paraded around, the threats and talk and tirades that will now agitate the country anew. I wanted to be free of it, but now I see that it was never going to happen. There is still a part of me that wants to believe there will be something different, but all I see right now is the same.
Right now, it hurts to think that part of me is delusional. Despite that, I still have to face it.