Okay, so I haven’t been posting that much here because between editing a book, developing short story ideas, and growing a different blog, I don’t have much time to put my thoughts here. It’s a good and bad thing. Good because it means I’m actually doing shit, and bad because I’m not working on sorting through stuff that gets to me. Although I’m not putting it in electronic print, there are little things that can still get to me.
For example, my revision process still isn’t going fast enough for my liking. I’m really having to look harshly at my first few chapters to get them to match how the book ends, and sorting that stuff out with already written material is a huge pain in the ass. On top of that, with depressive episodes randomly striking, I often lose focus because I start believing the whole thing ought to be trashed. Or, better still, I kick my own ass for losing focus in the first place. That said, I’m still hacking away at it. Things will improve when I get to large chunks of text I can keep.
Another thing that’s been getting to me is the high level of antics I keep seeing on TV about current events. Headlines get alarmist, people freak out, and I’m really trying to reduce the level of anxiety in my life. All of this reminds me of the speech that FDR gave, where he remarked that all we have to fear is fear itself. If that’s true, then we all should be very afraid indeed.
And I’m not saying this to give in to that alarmist thinking. Rather, I’m seeing more and more how panic is able to spread as fast as social media and other communication will allow it. Yeah, spreading news by a messenger on foot is painfully slow, but at least the messenger would be too tired to freak out about it. It just feels like everywhere I go to find solace, there’s someone out there screaming about how the sky will fall. Even if I didn’t have a problem with anxiety, I’d probably still have a problem with this kind of anxiety.
Something I’ve started doing is looking at nature pictures. They relax me, especially if they involve beaches. I hope can continue to have that, at least until someone manages to put some shitty news articles in with them. When that happens, I don’t know where I’ll be able to go to lose my fear of fear.