Exercising Positive Thoughts

Image courtesy of Stockvault.

Tomorrow I have another post written a while ago which reflects my thoughts while under a cloud of depression. That analogy of depression being like the weather is quite appropriate, as things can be hectic while the storms of self-doubt and self-loathing cast me about. Resisting them takes effort, and effort takes practice and dedication.

The longer I’ve tried coping with this, the more I realize that being positive about things is like using an atrophied muscle. I’ve never really tried to focus my perspective on positive thinking very much, mostly because I’ve had other crutches to use in my past. Being positive is just something I’ve never fully considered until several years ago. A myth surrounds it, which painfully reminds me of how unfamiliar it is to me.

I’m writing this now because I realized I want and need to provide some perspective on how my moods change. In my more lucid moments, I do have a desire to seek out positive things. There are subtle reminders that tell me what I’m doing matters, and that I should keep taking small steps to build a better life for myself.

The stormy moods do not fully erode this sentiment, although they do make it seem like improving my plight can and never will happen. This is a delusion I suffer from, that nothing I do matters or will ultimately help me. When going through it, I tend to forget where I am and what I’m doing. All I can do is try to seek shelter.

My hope is that by writing this, I will have an example of what goes on when things are going moderately fine for me with regards to delusional thinking. Right now I’m not exceptionally focused on the negative aspects of my life. At the moment, I believe that I can better my situation.

I have a goal to try to write more things at times when the sun is out and I don’t see any clouds on the horizon. With practice, I might be able to keep a little sunshine in a bottle for those rainy days.