Okay, so anyone who takes medication for a mental illness will understand that sometimes you can’t remember to take everything on time. I’ve missed a couple this week because I usually take them at night before going to sleep. They make me tired, so I can’t exactly take them in the morning. I have to go a full day before taking a new dose.
I know the medications work because when I’m not on them or the dose changes, things get weird for me. There will be more anxiety or depressive episodes. My concentration gets blown. Knowing my head chemistry is changing makes it harder to remember to take the next dose. It’s easy to get defeated.
Today my mind’s been out of focus. I’ve been fighting random thoughts, and it gets tiresome. Naturally, I worry that others will take this to mean that I’m not taking my medicine on purpose. Then I remember I have no evidence for it, but I do end up recalling the times when family has overreacted to my condition. It’s like I can’t win no matter what.
Another problem is that I know I’m fighting this time of year. I most likely have some form of seasonal impact on my depression, or at the least it’s so aggravated that even slight changes will make it worse. On top of that, I’m having a real tough time with allergies, which makes me tired all the time. People might mistake that for depression symptoms, which feeds my worries all over again.
At times like this, it’s quite easy and understandable that I might just get frustrated and give up on the whole process. Doing that means giving up on myself, and if no one else will advocate for me, then I must have to. It’s hard feeling isolated and plodding on. What I end up having to tell myself is that I will focus on today, and tomorrow can just get in line.
Missing a dose can make things pretty bad at times. It hits people differently for different reasons. There are too many voices out there – real and imagined – that will try to take advantage of this momentary weakness. So much energy has to get put into not listening to them. But that energy is worth the investment.