Today’s Thoughts

/ Sirius Bizinus

Photo: Ana Yankova.
Courtesy of Stockvault.

With regards to mental health, I’d say today was a 3 out of 10. Using a weather analogy, it wasn’t raining, but there were quite a few clouds in the sky. I had some tough spots today, but I avoided the really rough episodes at least.

It’s been affecting a lot of different things. My work output is almost nothing; I can barely crack 400 words a day. Whenever I look at novels of mine that I can finish, I walk the other way. I can’t finish them, not because I’m blocked, but for some vague sense of fear.

In fact, I’ve been noticing that more lately. I was recently praised for my ability to write sympathetic characters. Outwardly I was able to accept the compliment, but inwardly I was already finding excuses to hate my writing. If I’m depressed, I can’t figure out what’s going on with my characters, and from there I can’t write.

I’ve also been staying away from the news. It feels like there’s always some tragedy waiting to get my attention. These things feel raw, like a wound I refuse to let heal. It also feels like I feed my mind garbage. The last thing I need is to feel involuntarily panicked about anything.

One good thing is that I was able to force myself to write this. It’s helped put me in a neutral state.

6 thoughts on “Today’s Thoughts”

  2. You aren’t alone in not wanting to watch the news, SB.

    I hope you feel that your blogging audience is appreciative of your posts and realize that we are a supportive group. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and for your virtual friendship. I’m not sure where you’re at geographically, but I hope with spring’s arrival some of those clouds will blow away and flowers and novels will bloom.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I have talked to a lot of authors and read about their writing habits. A great many authors had to write … every day … because if they didn’t, they might not get started again for days. I counsel people who write for me that if they get into the mood, write until they can’t write any more. If they finish an article, write another. Constant think of new topics to write upon. An exciting topic can get you started and you can roll that over onto a project that is not finished.

    Often I have so much to do that I realize that I have to do something, and since there are so many projects, I get to pick the one most interesting. That one is easier to start on.

    I wish I could offer you some comfort like “It will get better” but my understanding is that it quite well may not. If that is or is not the case. The best place to work from is one that is accepting of who you are now and somewhat dispassionate. If you can view the new you from the outside for a bit and do what I call a “Mr. Spock” (Interesting. or Fascinating.) you may be able to slide into some work with less of a barrier. (“I always do this” can be said as a criticism or even a disparagement, but it could also just be a comment on who you are.)

    I am always someone who tries to help … it is who I am … even when I am not offering much help.

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