With regards to mental health, I’d say today was a 3 out of 10. Using a weather analogy, it wasn’t raining, but there were quite a few clouds in the sky. I had some tough spots today, but I avoided the really rough episodes at least.
It’s been affecting a lot of different things. My work output is almost nothing; I can barely crack 400 words a day. Whenever I look at novels of mine that I can finish, I walk the other way. I can’t finish them, not because I’m blocked, but for some vague sense of fear.
In fact, I’ve been noticing that more lately. I was recently praised for my ability to write sympathetic characters. Outwardly I was able to accept the compliment, but inwardly I was already finding excuses to hate my writing. If I’m depressed, I can’t figure out what’s going on with my characters, and from there I can’t write.
I’ve also been staying away from the news. It feels like there’s always some tragedy waiting to get my attention. These things feel raw, like a wound I refuse to let heal. It also feels like I feed my mind garbage. The last thing I need is to feel involuntarily panicked about anything.
One good thing is that I was able to force myself to write this. It’s helped put me in a neutral state.