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I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, but I haven’t been able to write any of it out. My writing’s been non-existent for the past several weeks. It’s like I have all of this creativity, but nowhere to express it. Or, when I do type something out, it doesn’t feel like it’s what I was wanting to write at all.
Really my thoughts have been all over the place. Collecting them here would be an exercise in futility. They’d come off as ravings, since they range on a bunch of unrelated topics. While all of that’s been going on, I’ve also been struggling with finding the attention to write any fiction at all. Like with blogging, the ideas are there, but they refuse to go into one place.
I can say that I’ve been trying to read some things I’ve always wanted to get to. I just finished “Heart of Darkness” by Joseph Conrad. It’s great, though it is written in Victorian-era prose. That aside, the story reflects some things I’ve been thinking about. Conrad did a great job of questioning what “civilizing” other cultures really meant. His ideas are enough to make me question anyone who calls any part of the world “developing.”
I know I’m going to catch a lot of shit for saying this, but I also think I’m going to sit this election out. Suffice it to say that I’ve been feeling like I haven’t had anyone I’ve wanted to vote for in a long time, and that feeling hasn’t changed. My problem is that even if I look at things from an extreme, alarmist, or populist perspective, it’s still not justification for voting. To put it differently, all possible results where I live don’t lead to any positive outcome.
Maybe this is what’s getting me down. It certainly takes a lot to explain, but the short version is that my vote actually does not matter for what I want it to do. I want (“need” should be a better word) it to be an expression of my views and my ethics. If everyone I vote for is going to wantonly embrace violence (foreign and domestic) and shortsightedness, then voting is going to misstate who I am. No party, candidate, or other guiding principle will wash the blood out of the ballot box.
Amusing Nonsense 
You’re just depressed politicians are destroying the world beyond hope. That’s a relief! I was starting to get worried at your absence. You’re part of my eco-system 🙂
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I’ve been feeling similar in terms of creativity. When I occasionally get inspired, it seems that whatever I start to write doesn’t feel as inspired and I stop.
We read of Heart of Darkness in my first year of undergrad English. I don’t think I got as much out of the book at that age then I might now, even though I can say that I did like the book. Like you though I found the prose to be rather annoying. I am not even sure it’s an era thing, I just think Conrad’s ability to write in English wasn’t as strong as others. I don’t say this disparagingly because the fact he was able to write anything as coherent as Heart of Darkness is to his credit because as you may know that his first language was Polish, his second language was French. He didn’t learn English until he started working on merchant vessel. I can imagine learning English from seamen wasn’t the best way to get introduced to the English. He was clearly gifted when it came to language in general so maybe I’m just making excuses for him. lol I read Lord Jim and The Secret Agent and those one’s were much better from an ease of reading standpoint.
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Consider writing freely and not worrying about whether you are ranting or jumping between topics. Sometimes the writing gets the damned thoughts out of your head!
After a short time go back and read what you wrote. If you tind that you wrote on Topic A then Topic B then back to A then B again, etc. Take all of the A writings and copy them into a new document. Sometimes a few connecting sentences will make the mess coherent again. Same for Topic B.
Push comes to shove, that’s why we have a delete key. Sometimes just getting thoughts out of your head and into your computer’s trash bin clears the mind very nicely.
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To be fair, writing is difficult for everyone at times, not just yourself, because it requires focused attention. So I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself.
The most important thing initially is to actually start writing, don’t worry about whether it’s coherent or whether people will like it. You can always put stuff in a word document for release later. But once you start, the other ideas should come out, if it’s something you’re passionate about. If you’re not passionate about it, it’s OK, try writing about something else.
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I get that feeling a lot too, where there are so many ideas and I want to express myself, but it’s nearly impossible to let it out. I’m glad you were able to write something today and work towards pushing through that, and I hope that it gets easier for you and you can get back to all of your amazing writing. It’s always a delight to see new posts from you. P.s. I love Heart of Darkness! It’s one of only 5 books that I’ve ever reread in my life (but that’s partly because that style of prose is so difficult to get through).
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Political paralysis leading to a writers block. Now that you have decided on a course of action, it may help.
When Mark Twain compared Politicians to Diapers he was not very far off. Politicians are just much more Shittier.
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Wow, I’ve never been able to relate to something like this. I randomly logged back into my account after two years and saw this post. Sometimes I just need to write but can’t. I think we’re definitely both over thinkers. I can’t vote in this country yet but something similar is happening in my country and I’m here in the US listening to all of the politics too. I’m really glad to see you’re still writing.
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