So I saw my doctor today about medications. I told her I wasn’t going to be taking the previous one anymore. She asked me if I wanted to try a new one that she had free samples for, at low dosages. We only had a short appointment, so I didn’t have much time to weigh everything. Personally, I was exhausted from coming off the previous meds. I was having some real shitty mood swings.
The joys of dicking with head chemistry.
In the end I decided that all the other shit I’ve been through with medications meant that trying another one had a slim chance of being worse. At the very least, it had an even less chance of making things worse than my current state of mind already is putting up with. I’m not kidding about the mood swings; they were garbage.
My hope is that I’m going to at least be able to keep dosages low. Anything too high, and I can’t be productive enough to change my well-being. Anything too low, and it won’t work at all.
In general, messing with mental medication is an exhausting process. Expectations are poorly managed. Success or failure of a drug isn’t measured in concrete values. Since it messes with perception, this is the most subjective process I’ve gone through in a long time.
The people I’ll be meeting with are changing, too.
I’m not sure if I mentioned that my old therapist got a new job somewhere. I’m meeting with the new one tomorrow. On top of that, my doc is leaving for a new job as well. I don’t know who I’ll be getting as a replacement.
All of this thinking about changes in my mental health treatment has me exhausted. Since I can’t afford to pay for the best treatment, I feel like I’m just stuck taking whatever I can get. Although the people I deal with are actually good at what they do, I keep feeling like I’m in the passenger seat and not in charge of making myself better.
Bottom line: I feel like I’m fighting with people I shouldn’t be fighting with over things that shouldn’t even be going on.