So I saw my doctor today about medications. I told her I wasn’t going to be taking the previous one anymore. She asked me if I wanted to try a new one that she had free samples for, at low dosages. We only had a short appointment, so I didn’t have much time to weigh everything. Personally, I was exhausted from coming off the previous meds. I was having some real shitty mood swings.
The joys of dicking with head chemistry.
In the end I decided that all the other shit I’ve been through with medications meant that trying another one had a slim chance of being worse. At the very least, it had an even less chance of making things worse than my current state of mind already is putting up with. I’m not kidding about the mood swings; they were garbage.
My hope is that I’m going to at least be able to keep dosages low. Anything too high, and I can’t be productive enough to change my well-being. Anything too low, and it won’t work at all.
In general, messing with mental medication is an exhausting process. Expectations are poorly managed. Success or failure of a drug isn’t measured in concrete values. Since it messes with perception, this is the most subjective process I’ve gone through in a long time.
The people I’ll be meeting with are changing, too.
I’m not sure if I mentioned that my old therapist got a new job somewhere. I’m meeting with the new one tomorrow. On top of that, my doc is leaving for a new job as well. I don’t know who I’ll be getting as a replacement.
All of this thinking about changes in my mental health treatment has me exhausted. Since I can’t afford to pay for the best treatment, I feel like I’m just stuck taking whatever I can get. Although the people I deal with are actually good at what they do, I keep feeling like I’m in the passenger seat and not in charge of making myself better.
Bottom line: I feel like I’m fighting with people I shouldn’t be fighting with over things that shouldn’t even be going on.
Amusing Nonsense 
I hope your new docs are compatible. I HATE it when I get word that my doc has “moved” or “got married and moved” or “retired.” Sometimes the new one is just as good … but sometimes it’s essentially the lesser or two evils, i.e., no doc or “this one”.
Anyway, trust things will come together for you. The sooner the better.
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Change happens. I’ve learned to set my expectations low so that I prepare for the worst instead of hoping for the best. At least until I can pick my docs, when I’d have more control over making the best happen.
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Sorry to hear all this! It sounds exhausting! I hate trying new meds! Its like a merry go round! I hope this one works! Sorry your therapist and doc are both leaving as well!
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My hope for you SB is that your new therapist will accept your atheism as any true professional would and give you a safe place to talk about all your struggles.
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It might work! Or you might think it works at first, but then not be entirely sure – then go back and forth on deciding if it does or doesn’t work. Then close your eyes and think, “I’ve had enough of all of this”, at which point you may find you’re exactly where you were when this all started 😀
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I think I’ve already hit that point. The process of sorting out two different medications has me exhausted.
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Wanna swap pills? We can test out what each other’s pills are like! 😀
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I would not inflict my pills on anyone. I’m waiting for the press release where it tells me the drugs end up causing cancer or necrosis of the liver.
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Have you tried dissolving them in champagne and then mixing other pills into the mixture?
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All the best man
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Hi SB. Thinking about you. How are things going with the meds? Are you on new meds/dosages? It’s always a tough transition to make these changes. I’m really curious what meds you are taking (though you don’t have to tell me – I understand you may not want to share, especially publicly). I’ve tried a large majority of meds for mood disorders and some are really awful with either not working or having horrible side effects. I’m hoping you are able to find what works best for you. For me, meds are life saving, though most of my wellness has come from therapy.
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