I started the year on two medications I’d been taking for a while, and I’m ending it on nothing for at least another month. How I do my mental health posts has changed, and I think I want to make some further changes. All in all, it’s been a year of stuff happening and a year of nothing happening.
I need to capitalize on the time I’m off meds.
Right now I have a golden opportunity to keep track of where my head’s at while I’m not taking medication. Functionally I don’t feel too different from when I was on medication. My depressive episodes are more intense, though they have subsided a bit since going through withdrawal on the other medications.
What I need is a baseline for how my mind is while I’m not on medication. Am I at a higher risk of self-harm, or am I just at a different risk of self-harm? These are important questions. Since I’m supposed to evaluate how new medication makes me feel, I need some sort of frame of reference here.
So I need to stop avoiding posts like this one.
I don’t have to always go into the specific details of what’s going on. This way, I won’t have to worry about offending WordPress, other social media, or censoring myself into oblivion. Also, it would help accurately frame what I’m getting at when I do these posts.
The main reason for any of this was to keep my thoughts in a place where I can’t pretend they don’t exist. Outside of that, I don’t need them for anything else. I understand that some people might need to say something whenever they read a sordid post about mental health, but all of that is meaningless to me. I don’t write this to evoke feelings in others.
Thus, I’m going to go feedback free on mental health posts. It’s the healthiest way for me to put effective boundaries in place.
I want to practice taking it one day at a time next year.
For the past several years, I’ve been sweating details. Those details make me feel like I can’t get anything done ever. This puts me in a place where I freeze and don’t accomplish anything.
And yeah, I’ve seen it get in the way of goals I’ve set earlier this year. I can feel upset by it, but I also have to recognize that I’ve kept the important goals. I want to build on that success.