Canceled Appointments

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There was supposed to be a giant snowstorm followed by icy conditions Monday night into Tuesday morning. I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled Tuesday morning. The mental health clinic called me Monday and told me I needed to reschedule. The earliest they could see me was April 3d. That’s about 9 weeks away.

Canceling the appointment threw me for a little bit of a loop. Yeah, I’m getting by without meds. I am sleeping less during the day than I used to. That’s a huge plus for me. I’m even going to sleep earlier in the evening.

However, I’m also feeling like I’m walking a tightrope without a safety net. The clinic is aware of my condition. Their professionals have asked that I at least try medications. I’ve been as accommodating as I can be. I just want a safety net. That’s all.

My realistic expectations are that the clinic doesn’t sell stuff like “giving a shit” or “working with patients.” What I am is a means to an end. They get a little money from me directly. There’s a possibility they could get money elsewhere for having me as a patient. Both of those things relate to financial compensation. Neither of them actually relate to wanting my personal health to improve.

It is entirely possible that some of their employees actually do care about who walks through the doors on any given day. Such a phenomenon can’t be measured like temperature or light. Instead, I have to take the word of people that they want to see my condition improve. There is no guarantee or assurance. Just words.

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