I finally had to break down and get a new computer recently. This means taking my old files and stuff and finding a way to get them to the new machine. That part went smoothly. I planned ahead.
Still, I had to resist the urge to delete a bunch of stuff. The urge to delete what I’ve written is a symptom of a depressive episode. I have to find things to distract me from actually going through with it.
The move to the new computer wasn’t easy. I don’t like change. I feel like I’m abandoning my old machine (it doesn’t care that I’m upgrading, but that’s why I’m taking the crazy pills and it isn’t). More than that, I’m frustrated at how long signup processes are these days.
Microsoft requires me to do everything except provide a blood sample. I had to opt out of a whole bunch of stuff.* Every time I open up a new application, Microsoft reminds me that I’m not giving it permission to mine and sell my data. It does this in the most passive-aggressive way possible.
I’m finding it difficult to avoid letting my mind get out of control on this. Frustration can turn into anxiety and depression in a heartbeat. All I’m receiving is validation that change is scary and bad and awful, no matter how minuscule it is. Because really, I don’t have to get out of sorts with all of this.
My computer is becoming a source of stress in my life, which will affect my mood around it. Too much stress, and I’ll start avoiding it again.
*These are “negative options” in legal speak. Usually a person has to say or do something to get a service or hold an offer open. Negative options give you something automatically and force you to say no to it. They’ve become industry standard for a ton of things because it lets companies establish a contract relationship without much effort. I’d go more into it later, but I don’t want to depress everyone more than normal during the holidays.