Overcoming Ambivalence

Image courtesy of Stockvault.

There are times when I feel untethered from life. It’s like everything I think and feel get rolled up into this unfixable mess. Nothing makes sense, or even can make sense. I feel like reality is what’s going on in the world around me, and my muddled perception is holding me just out of its reach.

These feelings come and go. One minute I’m fine, and the next I’m fighting some pointless existential battle in my head. It can be tiring. When I get like this I need to focus on something, but at the same time I feel less able to focus on anything. So I sit there, adrift, waiting for something to grab my attention and bring it back to Earth.

Feeling like this makes me ambivalent to anything that matters to me. I stop caring if I get some writing done. It doesn’t matter if I get chores done. Plans for the future cease to have relevance to me.

Irrelevant ideas are all that matter. Big picture things in small frames. Like worrying about washing the dishes as the Titanic starts sinking.

I don’t have an easy fix for it. Small steps is important. Instead of thinking, I must do. Even if it’s something that won’t last forever. What matters is right now. That’s where I’ll be.

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