So I haven’t been posting a lot recently because my mind’s been all over the place. I’ve been getting into fits of anxiety lately about a bunch of stuff. If my mental health was a weather pattern, it would be a front of warm air coming in and bringing storms with it.
I worry about the stupidest things, from where the world’s headed to what’s going on locally. People with anxiety can tell you that this is normal. Although I don’t want it to be normal, it is.
And the calls for mental health awareness haven’t been helping. It’s like a giant neon sign is getting pointed at my neurons that flashes the words, “IT’S NOT OKAY.” My mind is grasping at anything to distract me from all this worry.
Case in point
I’ve been noticing how this pandemic is a stress test for different kinds of governments. Smaller countries seem to be doing okay, something that shouldn’t surprise people as much as it does. Smaller populations and areas mean fewer people to worry about. Combine that with high population density, and you’ll find that these places have more incentive and ability to act on their own.
Likewise, a pandemic is the very thing that exposes the weakness of tyranny and information control. Inept tyrants at this moment are sucking at fixing things. Their instincts have been to hide information instead of taking on the problem itself. Sure, this puts my country on that list. I just wish there were fewer people on it.
So yeah, my mental health is declining.
Part of the problem also is that I think I’ve associated healthy things I do with negative thoughts. Fear is a great driver in what I do. Avoiding it becomes instinctual. I know I’ve written about this before, and it continues to apply. During this lockdown, I can’t even just go somewhere for a hike. A change of scenery is something I need.
At some point I’m going to have to do something about the things floating about between my ears. That is, I’m going to have to figure out a way forward in these trying times like everyone else. There’s a bunch of bad news out there, but there’s also some good news.
I just have to try harder to remember to go for the good stuff and leave the bad well enough alone.
2 thoughts on “Random Thoughts During This Pandemic”
Do whatever helps to calm you and take away the anxiety
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I can relate to the anxiety Sirius. For me I think it has always been there though I didn’t understand to what extent until recent years.
What you wrote here: “Part of the problem also is that I think I’ve associated healthy things I do with negative thoughts.”
I was sharing this year with my therapist that the (healthy/positive/coping) strategies I used to lower my anxiety had now become a constant reminder that I have anxiety.
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