I have found that recent changes to my schedule have not been the source of too much anxiety for me. It’s there, but I’m able to manage it. My latest problems come from dreading negative interactions with people.
For whatever reason, negative experiences accumulate in me over time. Think of it like the rising levels of mercury in seafood. A little bit is fine and can be metabolized. Reaching a certain point, it becomes harmful.
Despite all the positive experiences I’ve had over the past week, I’m struggling to be at peace when I think about going out again. It’s like the negative experiences take over. I worry more about them, even though they have not been the bulk of my interactions.
One of the ways I measure this is to keep track of how I sleep. Early on I slept okay. The last time I had to interact with people, I did not sleep well the night before. Still, I got about five hours of sleep, which I told myself was plenty. My sleep patterns can get worse, to the point where I will not sleep at all for days at a time.
In the meantime, I’m trying to do things to settle myself down. They haven’t been working well.
2 thoughts on “Anxiety Notes 20 August 2020”
I too suffer from a lot of anxiety. I feel it comes from childhood programming about what people and the world is like, and the flaming contradiction between that programming and the real world and actual people. You have my sympathy, and the sympathy of a lot of people not all of whom are anxious.
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I have a new doctor who put me on a different course of medication which includes clotiazepam (veratran) which has done wonders for my anxiety.
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