Ten Years

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The past few months, I realize off and on that it was ten years ago that I started law school. Ten years ago, I was a 1L, a first year law student. Right around this time in 2010, I was starting up my second semester of contracts (called Contracts II for short), federal civil procedure, Torts II, and Criminal law, and Legal Writing II. The work was hard, but it was satisfying.

I realize that I still miss Florida, talking about the law with people who cared about learning it, and learning from people who cared about teaching it. I miss these things, though I don’t miss all of what it did to me. I lived alone, and I sequestered myself while studying. That kind of isolation has had a permanent effect on me.

But I still get a sense of loss over what my legal career could have been. Right now I could have been arguing in front of the Florida or even U.S. Supreme Court. What important cases could I have influenced? What rights could I have vindicated? What if someone needed me to actually practice instead of typing this here? Could there be a universe where I’m not lame in the head?

That alternate universe isn’t the best one, though. In that alternate universe, I most likely would have gone undiagnosed and running from depression and anxiety. It might have even succeeded in claiming my life. I’d still believe that prayer and faith could solve my existential problems. Is that the better version of me?

Or is it just different?