Today is a day where I know I should feel good about all I’ve accomplished. I went out for a walk, did a little bit of writing, and I helped fix a broken riding lawn mower. A day where I can learn something new and do something new is a good thing.
While all of that’s been going on, I’m also dealing with the aftermath of yesterday’s Father’s Day festivities. They were fun, but I injured my wrist while trying to poorly swing a golf club. I’ve always had weak wrists, and I’ve always been able to injure them quite easily.
More than that, I was reminded yesterday of how poorly I react to being yelled at and managed. I’ve never responded well to people yelling at me to get my attention. Before my major problems with anxiety, I was able to keep this to myself. Nowadays, I have to take a lot of time to get past the increased heart rate and fear. It only gets worse when people talk to me like I’m forgetful or stupid. They don’t quite understand that ignoring people is my new first line of defense against anxiety problems.
I really do need a better solution to this problem. Because I’m recovering from anxiety-related stress, I have had a few bad episodes today. Thinking about it and trying to organize it here isn’t helpful. Instead, it feels like I’m just getting a second chance to relive it.
I also signed up to go to another meeting of RFR. The previous meeting involved talking about self-care. I can’t say I was able to make much progress there. It’s hard to believe in caring for myself when I’m doing my best just to avoid rude religious statements. If I could care for myself, I’d be able to better assert my surroundings and keep people from crossing boundaries.
In sum, today’s been a mix of good and bad. I’ll definitely remember the bad. Maybe some of the good will stick around too.